Regard thy danger, and along with me.

VAL. I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy, Bid him make hafte, and meet me at the north-gate. PRO. Go, firrah, find him out. Come, Valentine. VAL. O my dear Silvia! hapless Valentine !

[Exeunt VALENTINE and PROTEUS.

LAUN. I am but a fool, look you; and yet I have the wit to think, my master is a kind of a knave: but that's all one, if he be but one knave. He lives not now, that knows me to be in love: yet I am in love; but a team of horse shall not pluck that from me; nor who 'tis I love, and yet 'tis a woman: but what woman, I will not tell myself; and yet 'tis a milk-maid: yet 'tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips: yet 'tis a maid, for she is her master's maid, and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than a water-spaniel, which is much in a bare christian. Here is the cat-log [Pulling out a paper] of her conditions. Imprimis, She can fetch and carry. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot fetch, but only carry; therefore, is she better than a jade. Item, She can milk; look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands.

Enter SPEED.

SPEED. How now, fignior Launce? what news with your mastership ?

LAUN. With my master's ship? why, it is at fea.

SPEED. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word :

What news then in your paper ?

LAUN. The blackest news that ever thou heard'st,

SPEED. Why, man, how black ?

LAUN. Why, as black as ink.

SPEED. Let me read them.

LAUN. Fie on thee, jolt-head; thou can'st not read,

SPEED. Thou liest, I can.

LAUN. I will try thee: Tell me this: Who begot thee?

SPEED. Marry, the son of my grandfather.

LAUN. O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy

grandmother: this proves, that thou canst not read.

SPEED. Come, fool, come: try me in thy paper,
LAUN. There; and saint Nicholas be thy speed!

SPEED. Imprimis, She can milk.

LAUN. Ay, that she can.

SPEED. Item, She brews good ale.

LAUN. And therefore comes the proverb, Blessing o'

your heart, you brew good ale.

SPEED. Item, She can few.

LAUN. That's as much as to say, Can she so ?

SPEED. Item, She can knit.

LAUN. What need a man care for a stock with a wench,

when she can knit him a stock.

SPEED. Item, She can wash and scour.

LAUN. A special virtue; for then she need not be washed and scoured.

SPEED. Item, She can spin.

LAUN. Then may I set the world on wheels, when the can fpin for her living.

SPEED. Item, She bath many nameless virtues.

LAUN. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no

names.

SPEED. Here follow her vices.

LAUN. Close at the heels of her virtues.

SPEED. Item, She is not to be kissed fasting, in refpect of ber breath.

LAUN. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfaft: Read on,

SPEED. Item, She bath a fweet mouth.

LAUN. That makes amends for her four breath.

SPEED. Item, She doth talk in her sleep.

Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her

talk.

SPEED. Item, She is flow in words.

LAUN. O villain, that fet this down among her vices! To be flow in words, is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with't; and place it for her chief virtue.

SPEED. Item, She is proud.

LAUN. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her.

SPEED. Item, She hath no teeth.

LAUN. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.
SPEED. Item, She is curst.

LAUN. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.
SPEED. Item, She will often praise her liquor.

LAUN. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not,
I will; for good things should be praised.
SPEED. Item, She is too liberal.

LAUN. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is flow of: of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now of another thing she may; and that I cannot help. Well, proceed.

SPEED. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.

LAUN. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: Rehearse that once more.

SPEED. Item, She hath more hair than wit,

LAUN. More hair than wit, it may be; I'll prove it: The cover of the salt hides the falt, and therefore it is. more than the falt: the hair, that covers the wit, is more

than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's

next?

SPEED. -And more faults than hairs,

LAUN. That's monstrous: O, that that were out!

SPEED. -And more wealth than faults.

Lauv. Why, that word makes the faults gracious : Well, I'll have her: And if it be a match, as nothing is impoffible,

SPEED. What then?

LAUN. Why, then will I tell thee, that thy master flays for thee at the north-gate.

SPEED. For me?

LAUN. For thee? ay; who art thou? he hath staid for a better man than thee.

SPEED. And must I go to him?

LAUN. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid fo

long, that going will scarce serve the turn.

SPEED. Why didst not tell me fooner? 'pox of your

love-letters!

[Exit.

LAUN. Now will he be swing'd for reading my letter : An unmannerly flave, that will thrust himself into secrets! I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction. [Exit.

SCENE II. The fame. A Room in the DUKE'S Palace.
Enter Duke and THURIO; PROTEUS behind.
DUKE. Sir Thurio, fear not, but that she will love you,
Now Valentine is banish'd from her fight.

THU. Since his exile she hath despis'd me most,
Forsworn my company, and rail'd at me,
That I am defperate of obtaining her.

DUKE. This weak impress of love is as a figure
Trenched in ice; which with an hour's heat
Diffolves to water, and doth lose his form.

A little time will melt her frozen thoughts,
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.-
How now, fir Proteus? Is your countryman,
According to our proclamation, gone?
PRO. Gone, my good lord.

DUKE. My daughter takes his going grievously.
PRO. A little time, my lord, will kill that grief.
DUKE. SO I believe; but Thurio thinks not fo.-

Proteus, the good conceit I hold of thee,
(For thou haft shown some sign of good defert,)
Makes me the better to confer with thee.

PRO. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace,
Let me not live to look upon your grace.

DUKE. Thou know'st, how willingly I would effect The match between fir Thurio and my daughter. PRO. I do, my lord.

DUKE. And alfo, I think, thou art not ignorant How the opposes her against my will.

PRO. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here, DUKE. Ay, and perverfely she persévers so. What might we do, to make the girl forget The love of Valentine, and love fir Thurio ?

PRO. The best way is, to slander Valentine
With falfhood, cowardice, and poor defcent;
Three things that women highly hold in hate.
DUKE. Ay, but she'll think, that it is spoke in hate,

PRO. Ay, if his enemy deliver it :
Therefore it must, with circumstance, be spoken
By one, whom she esteemeth as his friend.

DUKE. Then you must undertake to flander him,
PRO. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do;

'Tis an ill office for a gentleman;
Especially, against his very friend.