دو

up to the stranger and asked, "Did you speak to me, sir?" " I speak," replied the stranger, "thou speakest, he speaks, we speak, you speak, they speak." "How is this?" said the Englishman, "Do you mean to insult me?" The other replied, "I insult, thou insultest, he insults, we insult, you insult, they insult." "This is too much," said the Englishman, " I will have satisfaction: if you have any spirit with your rudeness, come along with me. To this defiance the imperturbable stranger replied, " I come, thou comest, he comes, we come, you come, they come;" and hereupon he arose, with great coolness, and followed his challenger. In these days, when every gentleman wore a sword, duels were speedily despatched. They went into a neighbouring alley; and the Englishman, unsheathing his weapon, said to his antagonist, "Now, sir, you must fight me." "I fight," replied the other, drawing his sword, "thou fightest, he fights, we fight"-here he made a thrust-"you fight, they fight," and here he disarmed his adversary. "Well," said the Englishman, "you have the best of it, and I hope you are satisfied." "I am satisfied," said the original, sheathing his sword, "thou art satisfied, he is satisfied, we are satisfied, you are satisfied, they are satisfied." "I am glad every one is satisfied," said the Englishman, "but pray leave off quizzing me in this strange manner, and tell me what is your object, if you have any, in doing so." The grave gentleman now, for the first time, became intelligible. "I am a Dutchman," said he, “and am learning your language. I find it very difficult to remember the peculiarities of the verbs, and my tutor has advised me, in order to fix them in my mind, to conjugate every English verb that I hear spoken. This I have made it a rule to do. I don't like to have my plans broken in upon while they are in operation, or I should have told you this before." The Englishmen laughed heartily at this explanation, and invited the conjugating Dutchman to dine with him. " I will dine," said he, "thou wilt dine, he will dine, we will dine, you will dine, they will dine, we will all dine together." This they accordingly did; and it was difficult to say whether the Dutchman ate or conjugated with most per

severance.

RELATIVE POSITIONS OF RICH AND POOR.

THE question whether the rich support the poor, or the poor the rich, has been frequently agitated by those who are not aware that, while each does his duty in his station, each is, reciprocally, a support and a blessing to the other. All are parts of one harmonious whole; every part contributing to the general mass of happiness, if man would but endeavour to repay his debt of gratitude to his Creator, and, by a willing habit of usefulness, promote the happiness of himself and of his fellow-creatures. In this way the highest classes of society may, by superiority of power and education, do more service to the other parts of the community than what they receive; the welfare of the poor being then, in truth, more promoted and assured by the gradations of wealth and rank than it ever could have been by a perfect equality of condition, even if that equality had not been in its nature chimerical and impracticable; or (if practicable) had not been hostile and fatal to the industry and energy of mankind. Rank, power, wealth, influence, constitute no exception from activity or attention to duty, but lay a weight of real accumulated responsibility on the possessor. If the poor are idle and vicious, they are reduced to subsist on the benevolence of the rich; and if the rich (I except those to whom health and ability, and not the will, is wanting) are selfish, indolent, and neglectful of the conditions on which they hold superiority of rank and fortune, they sink into a situation worse than that of being gratuitously maintained by the poor. They become paupers of an elevated and distinguished class; in no way personally contributing to the general stock, but subsisting upon the labour of the industrious cottager; and whenever Providence thinks fit to remove such characters, whether in high or low life, whether rich or poor, the community is relieved from a useless burden.

A MAN OF FEW WORDS.

A YOUNG man some time since arrived at a certain inn, and, after alighting from his horse, went into the traveller's room, where he walked backwards and forwards for some time, displaying the utmost self-importance. At length he rang the bell, and, upon the waiter's appearance, gave him an order, nearly as follows :-" Waiter!" The waiter replied, "Sir."-" I am a man of few words, and don't like to be continually ringing the bell, and disturbing the house; I'll thank you to pay attention to what I say." The waiter again replied, "Yes, sir."—" In the first place, bring me a glass of brandy and water (cold), with a little sugar, and also a teaspoon; wipe down this table, throw some coals on the fire, and sweep down the

hearth; bring me in a couple of candles, pen, ink, and paper, some wafers, a little sealing-wax, and let me know what time the post goes out; tell the ostler to take care of my horse, dress him well, stop his feet, and let me know when he's ready to feed; order the chambermaid to prepare me a good bed, take care that the sheets are well aired, a clean night-cap, and a glass of water in the room; send the boots with a pair of slippers that I can walk to the stable in; tell him I must have my boots cleaned, and brought into the room to-night, and that I shall want to be called at five o'clock in the morning; ask your mistress what I can have for supper; tell her I should like a roast duck, or something of that sort ; desire your master to step in, I want to ask him a few questions about the drapers of this town." The waiter answered, "Yes, sir," and then went to the landlord, and told him a gentleman in the parlour wanted a great many things, and amongst the rest he wanted him, and that was all he could recollect.

BACHELORS' PRIVILEGES.

THESE gentlemen accept all the pleasures of society, and support none of the expense. They dine out, and are not bound to give dinners in return. Instead of taking a box by the year, they buy an admission for life; their carriage only holds two, and they are never obliged to set down a dowager. Weddings, christenings, fêtes-nothing comes amiss to them. They are never called papa; they are not regularly assailed with milliners', staymakers', and jewellers' bills. We never see them ruining themselves in suits of conjugal rights-from them La Belle Mère is destitute of point, and they yawn at La Femme Jalouse. They are neither godfathers for reciprocity; they sleep in peace during the best part of the morning, leave balls when they like, and invest money in the funds.

BACKGAΜΜΟΝ.

TOM BROWN says, "A woman may learn one useful doctrine from the game of backgammon, which is, not to take up her man till she's sure of him."

SOUND ADVICE.

A SPENDTHRIFT nobleman had a fortune left him, and was advised by a friend to purchase an estate notorious for its neglected state and sterility. "Why," said his lordship, "there is not a single passable road through the whole estate."-" That is the very reason I wish you to buy it," said the other; "it will take you the longer to run through

it!"

A MODEST REQUEST.

An Irishwoman called on an apothecary with an infant that was unwell, to beg something for it. The apothecary gave her some powder, of which he ordered as much as would lie on a sixpence to be given every morning; when the woman said, "Perhaps your honour will lend me a sixpence the while, as I haven't got one at all?"

PRESENCE OF MIND.

IF you should happen to meet with an accident at table, endeavour to preserve your composure, and do not add to the discomfort you have created by making an unnecessary fuss about it. I remember hearing it told of a very accomplished gentleman that, when carving a tough goose, he