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I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!

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· Luc. Quoth who?

DRO. E. Quoth my master :

I know, quoth he, no boufe, no wife, no mistress;
So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my fhoulders;
For, in conclufion, he did beat me there.

ADR. Go back again, thou flave, and fetch him home. DRO. E. Go back again, and be new beaten home? For God's fake, fend fome other meffenger.

ADR. Back, flave, or I will break thy pate acrofs. DRO. E. And he will bless that cross with other beating: Between you I fhall have a holy head.

ADR. Hence, prating peasant ; fetch thy mafter home. DRO. E. Am I fo round with you, as you That like a football you do fpurn me thus?

with me,

grace,

You fpurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither :
If I laft in this fervice, you must cafe me in leather. [Exit.
Luc. Fie, how impatience lowereth in your face!
ADR. His company must do his minions.
Whilft I at home ftarve for a merry look.
Hath homely age the alluring beauty took
From my poor cheek? then he hath wafted it:
Are my difcourfes dull? barren my wit?
If voluble and sharp discourse be marr'd,
Unkindness blunts it, more than marble hard.
Do their gay veftments his affections bait?
That's not my fault, he's mafter of my state:
What ruins are in me, that can be found
By him not ruin'd? then is he the ground
Of my defeatures: My decayed fair
A funny look of his would foon repair:
But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale,

And feeds from home; poor I am but his ftale.
Luc. Self-harming jealousy !-fie, beat it hence.
ADR. Unfeeling fools can with fuch wrongs difpenfe.
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere;

Or elfe, what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know, he promis'd me a chain ;-
Would that alone alone he would detain,
So he would keep fair quarter with his bed!
I fee, the jewel, beft enamelled,

Will lofe his beauty; and though gold 'bides still,
That others touch, yet often touching will
Wear gold and fo no man, that hath a name,
But falfehood and corruption doth it fhame.
Since that my beauty cannot please his
I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.
Luc. How many fond fools ferve mad jealousy!

SCENE II. The fame.

eye,

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracufe.

ANT. S. The gold, I gave to Dromio, is laid
Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful flave
Is wander'd forth, in care to feek me out.
By computation, and mine hoft's report,
I could not speak with Dromio, fince at first
I fent him from the mart: See, here he comes.
Enter DROMIO of Syracufe.
How now, fir? is your merry humour alter'd?
As you love strokes, so jeft with me again.
You know no Centaur? you receiv'd no gold?
Your mistress fent to have me home to dinner?
My houfe was at the Phoenix? Waft thou mad,
That thus fo madly thou didst answer me?

O o iij

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[Exeunt.

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DRO. S. What answer, fir? when spake I fuch a word? ANT. S. Even now, even here, not half an hour fince. DRO. S. I did not fee you fince you fent me hence, Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.

ANT. S. Villain, thou didft deny the gold's receipt ; And told'st me of a mistress, and a dinner; For which, I hope, thou felt'ft I was difpleas'd.

DRO. S. I am glad to fee you in this merry vein : What means this jeft? I pray you, master, tell me.

ANT. S. Yea, doft thou jeer, and flout me in the teeth? Think'ft thou, I jeft? Hold, take thou that, and that. [beating him. DRO. S. Hold, fir, for God's fake: now your jeft is

Upon what bargain do you give it me?

ANT. S. Because that I familiarly fometimes Do use you for my fool, and chat with you, Your faucinefs will jeft upon my love,

[earnest:

And make a common of my serious hours.
When the fun fhines, let foolish gnats make fport,
But creep in crannies, when he hides his beams.
If you will jeft with me, know my afpéct,
And fashion your demeanour to my looks,
Or I will beat this method in your fconce.

DRO. S. Sconce, call you it? fo you would leave battering, I had rather have it a head: an you use these blows long, I must get a fconce for my head, and infconce it too; or elfe I fhall feek my wit in my fhoulders. But, I pray, fir, why am I beaten?

ANT. S. Doft thou not know?

DRO. S. Nothing, fir; but that I am beaten.

ANT. S. Shall I tell you why?

DRO. S. Ay, fir, and wherefore; for, they fay, every why hath a wherefore.

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ANT. S. Why, first,—for flouting me; and then, whereFor urging it the second time to me.

[fore,

DRO. S. Was there ever any man thus beaten out of

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When, in the why, and the wherefore, is neither rhyme nor reafon ?

Well, fir, I thank you.

ANT. S. Thank me, fir? for what?

DRO. S. Marry, fir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.

ANT. S. I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for fomething. But fay, fir, is it dinner-time?

DRO. S. No, fir; I think, the meat wants that I have.
ANT. S. In good time, fir, what's that?

DRO. S. Bafting.

ANT. S. Well, fir, then 'twill be dry.

DRO. S. If it be, fir, I pray you eat none of it.

ANT. S. Your reason ?

DRO. S. Left it make you cholerick, and purchase me another dry bafting.

ANT. S. Well, fir, learn to jeft in good time;

There's a time for all things.

DRO. S. I durft have denied that, before you were so cholerick.

ANT. S. By what rule, fir?

DRO. S. Marry, fir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of father Time himself.

ANT. S. Let's hear it.

DRO. S. There's no time for a man to recover his hair, that grows bald by nature.

ANT. S. May he not do it by fine and recovery?

DRO. S. Yes, to pay a fine for a peruke, and recover the loft hair of another man.

O o iiij

ANT. S. Why is Time fuch a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?

DRO. S. Because it is a bleffing that he bestows on beafts and what he hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit.

ANT. S. Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.

DRO. S. Not a man of those, but he hath the wit to lofe his hair.

ANT. S. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.

DRO. S. The plainer dealer, the fooner loft: Yet hẹ loseth it in a kind of jollity,

ANT. S. For what reason?

DRO. S. For two; and found ones too.

ANT. S. Nay, not found, I pray you.

DRO. S. Sure ones then.

ANT. S. Nay, not fure, in a thing falfing.

DRO. S. Certain ones then.

ANT. S. Name them.

DRO. S. The one, to fave the money that he spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.

ANT. S. You would all this time have proved, there is no time for all things.

DRO. S. Marry, and did, fir; namely, no time to recover hair loft by nature,

ANT. S. But your reafon was not fubftantial, why there is no time to recover.

DRO. S. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore, to the world's end, will have bald followers.

ANT. S. I knew, 'twould be a bald conclufion :

But foft! who wafts us yonder?

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